Do you ever find yourself asking, “What’s wrong with me? “
If you do then you aren’t alone.
It’s a question asked surprisingly often even by those who by external measures seem to have everything together.
Something I’ve learned through my years of using neuroscience to help leaders to transform their health, businesses and relationships is,
That most people have no idea that feelings are 100% natural.
As such they resist, judge and fight against parts of themselves that are actually working for them.
Neuroscience research supports the existence of at least seven primary-process (basic) emotional systems:
1. SEEKING - The drive to gather more.
2. RAGE - The reaction of protection.
3. FEAR - The reaction to potential loss.
4. LUST - Desire
5. CARE - Desire to look after.
6. GRIEF - Panic, loss of predicted future
7. PLAY - Desirable create expression.
All as normal as hunger or tiredness (also indicators from brain).
Their presence is a sign of a brain working as it should.
The real question is, are you using them skilfully or unskilfully?
Are you SEEKING ever deeper experiences of what you value, or has your drive to SEEK got you chasing goals you don’t really care about or medicating with phone, obsessive productivity, alcohol or other substances or accumulating more stuff while sacrificing your health and relationships along the way?
Is your RAGE reserved for protecting you and yours should the need arise or is it showing up unskilfully in your important relationships when things don’t go the way you hoped?
Do you become annoyed, frustrated and even angry when people don’t do what you think they should or what you told them to?
Is your FEAR used to alert you to clear and present danger supporting you to react when truly necessary, or has it morphed into anxiety where you invent possible futures and dwell there. Has the dwelling resulted in the need to medicate with alcohol, porn, drugs or other distractions?
Is your LUST directed towards creating a deeper and deeper relationship and greater connection to life or are you being pulled along by it and constantly distracted from what you really want and questioning what you have?
Are you experiencing PLAY where creativity, growth and new possible futures live or are you too consumed by pressure?
Do you find yourself resisting and suppressing your desire to play and casting it as somehow wrong and bad unless the work (which never ends) is done?
Are you giving and receiving CARE or are you creating distance between yourself and those you CARE about?
Do you find it hard to show care, does part of your brain resist and struggle to be open and caring with those you love?
A useful way to think about it is like this.
Food cravings are normal. We all experience them.
They are the body telling us that a need is not being met.
The meaning that some people associate with that feeling is that they need alcohol, for some it’s chocolate, for some it’s that they haven’t eaten enough that day, for some it’s that their diet in missing some nutrients.
The meaning we take from our feelings and emotions determines the quality of our lives.
When we start realising our feelings and drivers are a normal part of the human experience, we can start working with them to create an amazing life.
Are you working with your emotions or against them?
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